Lyor Cohen Is A Douchebag

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Lyor Cohen Is A Douchebag

This article was seen by Google crybabies and now has a PageRank of 0 out of 10.

Lyor Cohen, the douche responsible for every DMCA against YouTube
Yes. This aspie runs the music business. Figures.

Lyor "Liar" Cohen is the Final Boss of Warner Music Group aka WMG and every douche move perpetrated by the music business on the hapless fan and music consumer.

As chief Grinch in charge at WMG he is the overlord of a troll organisation dedicated to making your Internets experience less enjoyable by filing moar frivolous DMCA takedown notices on YouTube than the Church of Scientology. Warner Music -who once brought us many great artists and music through their Atlantic, Elektra and Warner Bros. labels- now relies totally on income derived from Green Day and ringtones. And Green Day ringtones.

In fact, they're so hard up that they make all the new acts they sign turn over a percentage of things that were traditionally off-limits to the labels; things like merchandise, concert revenue, sponsorship deals and require that an artist hand over control to all their OTI content, including (but not limited to) their websites and MySpaces. So much for the pirate credo of supporting their fave bands outside of the record company loop after downloading the album for free. WMG will still get way or another.

If you would like to let Lyor Cohen know how you feel about his douchebaggery, feel free to email him at lyor.cohen@wmg.comor call him at (917) 627-9185.

Cohen makes $5,000,000 a year not including stock options and bonuses to harass the Internets. Mind you, since he sent the company public in 2004, the sock has plummeted from an IPO of about $25 a share down to its current low of $4.96 so whatever he hasn't already cashed out isn't worth shit. He also has an ego the size of an X Box and USI levels that are overshadowed only by the music business' biggest attention whore, Diddy. He even has a Failbook 'fan' page.

WMG's Finest Moment

Pwnt by Lyor Cohen.

Not satisfied with pwning music, WMG went above and beyond the call of douche duty by having YouTube disable the audio on a vidya of Martin Luther King's seminal civil rights "I have a dream" speech. This is pretty hilarious considering that Liar Cohen's personal fortune of over $500,000,000 was made off of exploiting black music when he was at DefJam with Russell Simmons. Butthurt ensued.

How the fuck do you bastards sleep at night? Not a good look...tards sleep at night? Not a good look...


Did Warner Music Group honestly remove MLK's Dream speech from a kinetic typography video? That's one of the most disgusting things I've ever seen.


WMG's Other Finest Moment

After about 4 years and 8,473,342 views, the money grubbing 50-year-old wigger known as Lyor Cohen (aka The King of Ringtones) who runs Warner Music decided to ruin everybody's fun by slapping a DMCA on a totally innocuous use of some crap music they own on a 3 minute Sesame Street vidya Mahnahmahnah!, the use of which was obviously costing them millions of dollars of Jew Golds on the sales of this classic, hit single.

The 16-year-old girl tuber, funkeemunky, nonetheless decided to keep the vidya up (despite having the audio actually stripped from the video so that you can't even listen to it if you download it to your compy) for the lulz and to show the world what a bunch of incredible douchebags WMG are.

Bombarded with requests for the flv of the original content for personal use, funkeemunky made a vidya response explaining that she no longer had it and even if she did, it would be pointless since uploading it again would simply bring the WMG vultures swooping down to ræp it again.

WMG Creates Irony

Lyor Cohen also snatched the audio from a George Carlin standup where he explains how the evil corporations are the ones who really run America. This drove the YouTube conspiracy theorists off the wall, many of them saying that WMG is trying to prevent you from hearing something that everyone should know already, anyway.

Internet Reaction

Meanwhile, when the butthurt denizens of the Interwebs caught wind of this faggerydaggerydoo, they sprang into action and in a pique of rage, set Anonymous off into raid mode and initiated Operation Warner Music Must Die commented and blogged about it.


I find it funny how WMG thinks that by denying us soundtracks on youtube, people will pay for the songs again. BlauweTomaat

I hate WMG!!!


Besides this, Warners has a long standing special relationship with YouTube users who send them vidya valentines on a regular basis.

Search Engine Faggotry

Google then deleted this question about censorship of this page

As of last Thursday, this page has been banished from the Internets after Liar Cohen paid off Google to sanitize all search results pointing to this article on ED. Even using Google's 1337 advanced site search + WMG, + "Warner Music Group", + "Lyor Cohen" didn't work, shitting out a handful of random links and an EDF post about WMG faggotry but no direct hits for this page or any of the related redirects WMG, Warner Music or Warner Music Group.

This is ironic since Google just spent the past two months screaming "foul" with regards to The Great Firewall of China and the proposed AusfalianInternets filter ACMA. However, this is hardly new, Google having raped ED before at the bidding of Abbos and Sektie. This current rape, though, is a lot moar thorough, pwning ED from Bing and Yahoo! too.

A complaint has been lodged. Funnily enough, the complaint does did show up in Google until some censorfag at Jewgle deleted it..

Wiki Edit Drama

Lyor Cohen is so obsessed with his "legacy", he frequently has his lackeys at WMG monitor his TOW page for anything remotely unflattering andbaleet it. Since this giant douche is a major league sleaze who associates with known criminals (as well as slightly less criminal drug dealers, gun runners and gangsta rap thugs), there's a lot of dirt out there that he doesn't want people and his kids to see. The following was removed from his TOWpage and after a month-long edit war finally managed to keep it out due to expired links for 'credible' citations. As a public service, and in ED's time-honoured tradition of Mediacrat, we are delighted to just leave this here.


Murder Inc. Records Raid

In 2001, Cohen was given the nickname Lansky (after the notorious Jewish gangster Meyer Lansky) by Irv Gotti in recognition for his partnership and place on the board of directors when the two went into business together forming Murder Inc. Records (named after the original Prohibition era gangsters Murder Inc.).

Cohen provided Gotti $2,000,000 in 'seed' money to start operations and the label with office space in his Manhattan headquarters. This later came under the scrutiny of federal authoritieswhen Murder Inc. Records and Cohen's Island Def Jam was raided by a joint task force of the NYPD and the FBI as part of a federal probe of label founder's ties to drug lord Kenneth "Supreme" McGriff drug trafficking, money laundering, and gang activities. Of particular interest to authorities was a payment from Cohen of $500,000 to a company fronted by McGriff, ostensibly for a soundtrack that was never delivered for McGriff's film adaptation of Donald Goines' Crime Partners which he had optioned.

Cohen was eventually absolved of any involvement in the scandal, even after he claimed under oath that he couldn’t identify his position with Murder Inc. Records. When asked if he sat with Gotti on the executive board of Murder Inc., Cohen replied “Im not sure.” And once again, the slippery Jew escaped with his pouch of Jew Gold intact.

The Kenneth "Supreme" McGriff Murder Trial

He was later asked by Kenneth "Supreme" McGriff to be a witness at his February 2007 murder trial. Ironically, persistent rumours have it that it was McGriff who contracted the execution of Cohen's friend and former client Jam Master Jay of Run DMC for working with 50 Cent, breaking McGriff's boycott on working with a rapper he accused of revealing too much about McGriff's drug business.

The TVT Records Lawsuit

In 2002, Cohen was personally sued for fraud, tortious interference, breach of contract and copyright infringement by TVT Records as part of a larger action against Island Def Jam Music Group and Universal Music Group alleging that Cohen tried to hinder the production and release of an album by Ja Rule's group, the Cash Money Click (a.k.a. CMC). The defendants were initially ordered to pay TVT $132 million in compensatory and punitive damages, with $56 million due personally from Cohen, but on appeal that figure was reduced to $53 million, with $3 million due personally from Cohen.

The U.S. District Court Judge who reduced the damages, Victor Marrero, commented that the defendants were "morally reprehensible" and noted "inconsistencies" in Cohen's testimony. However, in 2005 the jury's decision against Cohen and Def Jam was overturned by a federal appeals court panel of the Second Circuit Court of Appeals, which ruled that the allegations by TVT "lacked 'legally sufficient' evidence". Once again, the slipper Jew escaped with his bag of Jew Gold intact.

During the course of the appeals, additional controversy arose with the sale of the Phat Farm clothing company. Cohen was partners with Russell Simmons with a 16.6% stake in Phat Farm, which he had valued at $5.5 million in a financial statement during the TVT lawsuit. When the company sold for $140 million, Cohen reportedly received more than $20 million for his share, prompting allegations by TVT lawyers that he had intentionally misrepresented his net worth to reduce his damages owed.

P. Diddy

In 2002, Sean "P Diddy" Combs accused Cohen of "attempting to steal" best-selling R&B artists 112 from his Bad Boy Records label, stating that he was "shocked" by such a move from "someone who I considered a close friend for 15 years". In 2003, Combs and Cohen announced a joint venture to handle 112 and Foxy Brown. At that time, Combs said that his personal relationship with Cohen mattered more "than a minor business dispute". In 2005, Combs and Cohen entered into a working relationship at Warner Music Group.

Jason Flom

In August, 2005, Cohen fired Jason Flom, the co-chairman and CEO of Atlantic Records, by asking him to meet him at Los Angeles International Airport where he handed Flom a press release detailing his "resignation" and telling him, "You're finished!"

T.I.'s Bail Hearing

In October, 2007, Cohen appeared as a character witness in the bail hearing for Atlantic Records' rapper T.I. who was arrested earlier that month for possession of three unregistered machine guns and two silencers, and possession of firearms by a convicted felon.

In Rap

  • On Mos Def's 2004 song "The Rape Over," he references Cohen stating: "some tall Israeli is running this rap shit."
  • On the 1990 3rd Bass release "The Gas Face", Lyor was made fun of in the end of the track as 3rd Bass shouted out names of who "gets the Gas Face". He was referred to as "Elroy" Cohen.
  • In a 2003 interview, rapper Bumpy Knuckles claimed the biggest mistake of his career was not breaking Lyor Cohen's jaw when he had the opportunity.

See Also

External Links